Real Problems. Real Adlerian Solutions.
Each tip is rooted in Alfred Adler's Individual Psychology — the method that treats children as equals worthy of respect.
Tantrums & Meltdowns
Attention / Power💡 Adlerian insight: Tantrums are often a child's way of seeking attention or power. Adler teaches us that the behavior has a goal — not a cause.
✅ What to do: Stay calm and don't react with anger. Acknowledge the feeling: "I see you're really frustrated." Once calm, involve the child in solving the problem together. This teaches self-regulation and respect.
Refusing to Listen
Power💡 Adlerian insight: A child who refuses to listen is often seeking power or significance. Punishing them escalates the power struggle.
✅ What to do: Offer limited choices: "Would you like to put your shoes on now or in 2 minutes?" Choices give children a sense of control without giving up your authority. They feel respected — and cooperate.
Sibling Fighting
Belonging💡 Adlerian insight: Sibling rivalry often stems from a child feeling less significant or less loved. Each child is competing for their place in the family.
✅ What to do: Avoid taking sides. Instead, say: "I trust you both to work this out. Come to me when you have a solution." Hold regular family meetings where every child has a voice and feels equally valued.
Screen Time Battles
Power / Cooperation💡 Adlerian insight: Fighting over screens is a power struggle. The more you fight, the more the child resists. Adler says: involve the child in creating the rules.
✅ What to do: Sit together and co-create a "Screen Agreement." Ask: "How much screen time do you think is fair?" When children help make the rules, they're far more likely to follow them — because they own them.
Bedtime Resistance
Routine / Connection💡 Adlerian insight: Bedtime resistance is often about control and connection. The child wants more time with you and more say in their routine.
✅ What to do: Create a consistent bedtime routine together. Let the child choose 2 books, their pajamas, or the order of steps. Predictability + choice = cooperation. End with a "connection ritual" — a hug, a whisper, a special phrase.
Homework Struggles
Responsibility💡 Adlerian insight: When parents take over homework, children learn helplessness. Adler teaches that children need to experience natural consequences to develop responsibility.
✅ What to do: Step back. Say: "This is your homework — I trust you to handle it. I'm here if you need me." If they don't do it, let them face the natural consequence at school. Your job is encouragement, not control.
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